grateful for good friends: you guys rock my world

Growing up we're constantly reminded of the importance of good friends. Especially those we have in high school. Friends influence choices and help shape the people we will become. Now I know that not high school friends will be around 10 years from now, but I am a strong believer on the influence they have in our lives, for good or for worse. High school is the time when I really think we start to discover who we are, what we stand for, and what we want to be. It is also the time when we start making the decisions that will directly effect all three of those things.

Fortunately I have a fantastic group of friends who I really got lucky to find. They all are so so good and all make me want to be a better person in various aspects of my life. friends that I can have important and serious conversations with, but also friends who I can laugh with until our stomachs ache and we can't breathe. Kids I feel completely comfortable around.This has not always been the case though. There was a bit of a blip in my life where I did not feel this way about my friends. 

First grade through the first quarter of 9th grade I went to a charter school where I got really close with a really great group of kids. There were no more than about 60 kids in my grade at any point and by the time middle school rolled around there were only 30 of us. Needless to say we were a pretty tight group of friends. We had basically grown up together, we all had at least 4 classes together, all spent every lunch together, and all probably knew way more than we wanted to about each other. The same kids I had seen pee there pants in 1st grade, puke during a test in 2nd grade, had awkward 5th grade romances with, and faint while giving a presentation in 6th grade were all growing up. By the time 9th grade rolled around there were about 15 of us left and it was like having 15 other siblings. 

Anyways...

9th grade I decided I was gonna try my luck and try out for the Bingham High School girls basketball team. That was the school I'd be going to the next year and I was excited to get involved.  It was kind of a shot in the dark considering I'd only played on a team outside of church ball once before, but I enjoyed playing and thought "hey, why not." I was more doing it for the experience as I didn't really expect to make it with my little experience empty list of connections, so I didn't really have a plan for what I would do if I made the team. My school was about a 20-30min drive from my house and would not work for after school practices and games. Welllll long story short I made the team, to my own surprise, and all the sudden arrangements needed to be made. Arrangements that involved leaving my 2nd home of almost 9 years. I had a week of deciding which public middle school to go to(more like which would accept me so late in the school year) and that's when the first disappointment came. Besides my friends at my school the only other kids I really knew who I would be going to school with were the kids in my neighborhood, but they all were going to South Jordan Middle, and I was going to go to Elkridge. Elkridge was more willing to accept me because they were not as overcrowded and since I had to make a quick transition so I could start on the team Elkridge was the viable answer. And so within a week, sad to be leaving my friends, but starry eyed and hopeful for the future and excited for change, I started my career as a 9th grade student at Elkridge Middle School and as Point Guard for the Bingham High Schools Girls Sophomore basketball team. Boy was I in for the shock of my life. If you've never attended a charter school than you do not understand the difference in the environment of a public school. I jokingly refer to it as the day I lost my innocense, I know now I was being a tad over dramatic, but it was a big deal to me at the time. To put it lightly my usual outgoing, loud, and friendly self was more or less shocked into submission and I cried the whole drive from school to practice for the first couple weeks. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I had never had a hard time making friends, or finding my place in a social setting, but the school was soooo big, I was the kid standing in the hallway intersection using a map to find my next class. It was halfway through the year and 9th grade, so everyone my age knew exactly what they were doing and ruled the school. I felt much smaller than I had ever experienced before. The basketball team gave me a social outlet and they were a really great group of girls that I grew very close with, but that was after school. I went to school with a few of them, but they each had their own group of friends they'd had for years that they hung out with at school, and I always felt like an add on when they'd invite me to eat lunch with or hang out with them over the weekend. Probably a feeling I generated inside my own head and was nonexistent outside myself, but I truly did feel out of place. I had some good friends, one of which I'll forever be grateful for taking me under her wing. Eventually I got back into my groove, but I did miss my old friends. Sophomore year at Bingham I quit the team to focus on school and things that would have a bigger impact on my life. It was a good year, I met some good people and and I enjoyed it, I guess I didn't really know what I was missing, I'd forgotten how I'd felt with those friends I grew up with. So yes in the moment I thought I was having a blast, because I was, but it wasn't until the end of that year that I met the people I talked about at the beginning of this post, and life became an even bigger blast. I met one of my best friends in my physics class that year and one by one I started meeting his friends. And one by one I clicked with each. I didn't feel like an add on or out of place ever, even though I hardly knew the kids. I felt that same level of comfortable and belonging I felt with the kids I knew growing up and that's something I had been missing out on for awhile.They're those people you meet who you felt like you've known forever. 

"It's funny because you meet these people, and they make you laugh, and they give you hope, and they make you realize how much more there is to life, and when you're with them you forget how empty you felt before"

So really eternally grateful to those kids who I now call my best friends, because they really are the greatest group
Needless to say I am also so grateful for all the people I've met during the journey, because they all have blessed my life in countless ways.
Shout out to all those people in my life that truly push me to be my better self and live my life the way I should because I couldn't do it without you!!
Much love, muah <3
Jess

Intro to me & looking forward

Life can be a little crazy at times, but that's okay because deep down I think we're all a little crazy. Like most people my age I think my life is spinning out of control. Life seems to be coming at me about a million miles an hour and I am definitely not prepared for any of it.

So here's a little bit of that story so you and I can get to know one another...

My name is Jessie, I'm a 17 years old and I'm a Mormon. I state this first because I feel that itself makes up me and everything about me or that I aspire to be. It'll probably be very prevalent in the posts I make, because it plays such a huge role in every aspect of my life. I like writing, reading, traveling, exploring the outdoors, socializing, and riding horses. I'm an extrovert, a people watcher, history buff, an unapologetic Dr. Pepper addict, and a flaming conservative. I like deep and intellectual conversations, but no more than I like jokes and laughing hysterically. I like being informed and I know what I want in life. I'm a bit of a perfectionist with myself, but there's my downfall. Life isn't perfect and neither am I. That being said I get it in my head that I can't say no, that I should be able to be doing everything, and doing everything perfectly. Well for someone as imperfect as me that doesn't usually work out. Usually this leads to me running around with my head on fire(obviously not literal) doing most things in a very imperfect fashion, and then I wonder why I'm stressed;)

I have a job that I work for after school almost everyday, and am in charge of taking care of my grandparent's horses while they are away on a senior LDS mission, I'm enrolled in college classes at school and have 3 very big tests coming up that I need to pass in order to get the credit for those classes, and probably more homework than I have time for. I have callings at church and friends and family that I would like to spend time with and I'm human. So when all is said and done I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and when I crash there is always something that get's left undone or if I'm lucky, half done. Well I probably just described how 90% of the people on earth feel constantly. A normal day for me and the majority of people goes something like this. 

Up at 5:45 to shower, 6:00 family scripture study, 6;30 getting ready, 7:00 leave for school, 7;30-2:30 at school, 2:30 leave for work, 3-6;30-7ish work, 7 drive home to do homework, check on horses, clean stalls, ride horses, study, church or family activities, or chores etc. (depending on the day or what I have time for), and finally get in bed sometime between 11 and 2am. Now this is not meant to be me throwing a pity party or anything because I know I do much of it to myself and or things cannot be avoided and are simply part of growing up. And though that has proved to be such a pain, it is also such an adventure.

I've reached the point in life that most reach where tired is no longer a feeling, but something ingrained in your personality that you've just learned to deal with (thank you Dr. Pepper). That point where you're regretting every nap you protested as a 5 year old and would give anything just to get in a 15min snooze one day, which you can't do because you know you'll end up waking up not 15 min later but  5 hours later, not knowing where you are or what day it is. Yeah, I know you've experienced that, you're not the only one. Life is exhausting, let's face it.

But I think this is where we need to alter our view on life. If we're only seeing life as today or the list of things we need to accomplish then we're never going to get anywhere, and we're definitely not going to be happy. Because chances are today probably sucked and you probably have way more things on that to do list than you mathematically have time for (one more thing on me, I'm awful at math;) You're not going to feel like you're accomplishing anything. I'm not saying "don't live in the moment", because you would be right we need to enjoy right now, but I'm saying don't dwell on what's stressing you out now or what's not going right in your life at this exact moment. Years from now you'll laugh at the things you worried about now because things probably worked themselves out. Live in the moment and make those small steps everyday because the small things we do everyday are going to turn into a bright bright future. It's about the eternal perspective and knowing God has a paln for us, and everyday if we're doing the important things,everything else will fall into place the way it should.
"God cares a whole lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were." -Dale G Renlund
As long as we're working and wanting to be better, life is going to be okay:)
Thanks for listening to the rant, sweets, from now on posts will have more of a direction and purpose.